If raising happy, grounded children is ever on your mind, these ideas are especially for you.
Begin by asking these simple questions: ”What makes anyone happy? What makes you happy? What makes your child happy?”
Often, the answer comes down to something fundamental: feeling that we matter. This idea of “mattering” is becoming a key focus in psychology — and it’s more than just self-esteem, more than just resilience.

Gordon Flett, Professor Emeritus of Psychology at York University in Canada and author of The Psychology of Mattering: Understanding the Human Need to be Significant, argues that “feeling like you matter” — that you are noticed, valued and needed by others — is a central ingredient to well-being. Amazon+1 He defines mattering as the sense that we are not just present, but that our presence adds value. It’s different from simple belonging — you might sit at the dinner-table, but still feel unnoticed.

Here are 10 practical ways you can help your child feel they matter:

1. Be noticed
   Children need to feel seen. Turn off distractions and give them your full attention. Make eye contact, put down your phone, listen to their story — even the small ones. Say things like: “I saw how kind you were to your brother today.”
2. Be valued
   They must know it’s not only about what they achieve, but who they are. Tell them specifically what you love about them: “You bring so much imagination to our family.” Praise their kindness, curiosity, effort.
3. Be needed
   Let them feel their presence matters. Give them real roles — cooking, caring for the pet, choosing the family movie — then thank them: “That really helped us. Thank you.”
4. Be appreciated
   Gratitude strengthens significance. Say “thank you” — even for everyday help like clearing the table. Model a culture of appreciation.
5. Make a difference
   Mattering grows when children see their impact. Help them notice it: “When you shared your toy, your friend’s face lit up.”
6. Help others feel they matter
   Show them how giving can build mattering too. Encourage writing a thank-you card, befriending someone shy, or complimenting a teacher. Afterwards, reflect: “How did that feel?”
7. Notice when they don’t feel they matter
   Sometimes kids withdraw when they feel invisible. Watch for signs. Ask gently: “Did you feel like your ideas were listened to today?”
8. Build on strengths
   Children feel valued when their unique gifts are seen. What lights them up — art, animals, fixing things? Give them space to use their strengths in family life.
9. Celebrate small moments
   Mattering is constructed through tiny, consistent acknowledgements. A sticky note in their lunchbox: “I love how you try new things.” A bedtime whisper: “I loved spending time with you today.”
10. Make it part of your family culture
    Families that model mattering daily raise confident, resilient children. Create rituals: a weekly dinner where each person shares what they appreciate about someone, or a “You Matter” jar where notes of gratitude accumulate.

How Our Albums Can Help

Our handmade albums offer a meaningful way to show your child they matter. Set aside 30 minutes each year to explore what they like, enjoy and find meaningful. Our age-appropriate prompts are crafted to spark these conversations — and give you a window into your child’s values.
Let them choose prompts that resonate: the very act of choice tells them their opinion matters. Then pick a lifelong value together, talk about how it has shaped your journey, and be ready to celebrate when your child begins to live that value too.

On the surface it may look like “another task”, but the time you invest now could pay huge dividends during the teenage years. I can’t promise every challenge disappears — but I can promise the seeds of significance and self-understanding are being planted.

You can listen to Gordon Flett’s interview on the ABC Radio National program Life Matters (24 Oct 2025).